The Narcissist cannot be fixed

The Narcissist has one main goal and that is to drain each and every person that is involved in their lives or use people as objects that serve a purpose. Once you enter into Narcissist-Ville you sign away your right to freedom or individuality, and you better be ready to become an indentured servant to the Narcissist, as well as take your emotional beatings regularly. Your lawful rights are stripped from you and you are now under the rule of a sadistic dictator and there is no way to escape their rule unscathed or undamaged. Narcissists view the world as their PERSONAL playground to take what they want and they never give back, NOR do they care who or what they desecrate in the process. They view or better yet PORTRAY themselves as omnipotent, deserving, entitled, moralistic, religious as well as many other things that they stamp onto their worldly resume or their ‘brand’ that they put out there for ALL of us – none of which have any real connection to who and what they REALLY are – abusive and destructive predators. You could really sum it up by saying that a Narcissist feels entitled to do whatever they want, take whatever they want, and act out in whatever manner they want and they just do not care in the smallest way how they get what they want!

A Narcissist never looks inward in a manner to see that they have a personality disorder, or that their world is built on lies and appearances – that is merely a clinical definition for us to sort of understand them. Furthermore, they never admit to being wrong, doing anything wrong, or having wronged or destroying the many lives that they do. However, the Narcissist HAS wronged others, be it cheating, lying, manipulation, hurting them emotionally or physically, BUT a Narcissist manages to project blame on and into the targets/victims and everyone around them. They also have their minions and a new supply to support them or filter their lies through, as well as hide behind to avoid exposure. If you think about this and really actualize the truth as it concerns them then you have to understand that they are destructive and dangerous and you CAN’T be a part of their world. Narcissists malign ALL people!

17498934_1384872371591513_2136325938750118965_nIn fact, the Narcissist will view him/herself as superior or above the rest of humanity. Narcissists do not see themselves as the pathological and destructive person that lives their entire life like a parasite using and taking advantage of others, objectifying people and then moving on once they have emotionally drained and damaged a person. Nor does the Narcissist see how flimsy their thin veneer of lies, and false credentials are. No instead the Narcissist will project their false image and describe themselves as a hero of sorts, a savior, or even a saint as far as it concerns humanity and their role here on earth! Well, this is part of their disordered and damaged self that enables the Narcissist to live in complete denial of the damage they inflict onto people’s lives. There are no written laws, rules or regulations that a Narcissist will follow. They are in COMPLETE denial of just how disordered they really are and they just lie to get out of any sticky situation to avoid accountability! They have absolutely no notion or care as it concerns right and wrong or truth and lies. They live in a pretend world and they want us to play along or else!

The Narcissist considers him/herself above the norms of goodness and in COMPLETE denial that any of their actions borderline being outright cruel, evil toward others, and even criminal. That is the double-edged sword that they attack the world with. The truth is that their lives are all about double standards or what serves them. If it wasn’t for DOUBLE standards a Narcissist wouldn’t have ANY standards at all! A Narcissist will stand tall and preach about morality as if all cheaters should burn twice in hell, but as he/she is giving their lecture from the pulpit they are also surveying the room to find a little extra supply to have on the side. But the Narcissist is not a cheater in their mind – they are DESERVING because they are special and above reprise for their actions in life but you BETTER abide by their many rules and laws.

The real definition of a Narcissist is that of a creature that is so preoccupied and focused on their every desire, pleasure and need that it completely blinds the Narcissist from reality and self-blame – they are too busy looking for that next fix (supply) to fill that void that describes their life – basically they are addicted to it. The Narcissist re-writes reality to fit his/her delusions and with every taker AND it is like the Narcissist winning the lottery when they find a new target to extort and harm. They relish the chase and the rewards they yield from whatever scam they are presenting to a person or persons! Remember supply to them is many different things that are used by them to fit into this world – so they are everywhere and the damage they do is NOT only confined to relationships. They simply CHARM their way into lives and situations with that façade and then go after whatever it is they came for.

A Narcissist lives in such a self-contained world of fear and hates that they have to shore it up with every possible denial mechanism available to them to maintain the Frankenstein monster that they are. It must require an insurmountable amount of energy for them to maintain their disordered fortress that is built on so many layers of lies. A Narcissist most certainly doesn’t want others to use, manipulate, lie, and hurt him/her as he/she does to them. That is why there are so many rules (double standards) in their world that we must abide by. That really sounds like a Narcissist has a master plan and is very cognizant of their actions! It is the Narcissist’s pathological denial that leads them to focus only on their desires, pleasures, and needs that also blinds them to their abusive nature, and protects them from self-blame. They just project it onto and into us and BAM it is magically gone from their conscious world and we take the blame and shame. AND to further drive the point home they even punish us and think we are weak because they get away with the horrendous malevolence toward the very people that love them! They don’t understand the compassion that normal people have and offer so freely – they take full advantage of it instead!

Their modus operandi or the tools of their trade are manipulative words, pathological lying, slander, back-stabbing, triangulation, and a cunning personality like that of a fox! You only have to watch the Narcissist as he/she grins at their own exploitive games that accompany their malicious actions. It reveals the reality that their behavior and intentions are as far removed from caring, loving or having any semblance of empathy. The Narcissist has one main goal and that is to drain each and every person that is involved in their lives or use people as objects that serve a purpose. Once you enter into Narcissist-ville you sign away your right to freedom or individuality, and you better be ready to become an indentured servant to the Narcissist, as well as take your emotional beatings regularly. Your lawful rights are stripped from you and you are now under the rule of a sadistic dictator and there is no way to escape their rule unscathed or undamaged. The Narcissist intends to control people through negativity, harm, and fear. This is how the Narcissist maintains their reign of control/terror and that is through emotional and psychological manipulation. It is an epic relationship with them because they start you out on this journey by loving you – or so they say to open the door to their abusive world!

Admitting faults, or taking responsibility for their harmful actions would take some degree of empathy of which they have NONE. It is virtually impossible for the Narcissist to put themselves in other people’s shoes and seeing him/herself as causing harm and destruction. Not only is the Narcissist incapable of this it also repulses them to believe they are anything less than perfect. Remember the Narcissist is omnipotent and as such is superior and always in charge of their delusional world EVEN if they have to rewrite history to meet their needs. They will never put themselves in a position where they would even consider anything negative or wrong about their own self-absorbed and tyrannical nature – this would be a weakness on their part. This superior concept that the Narcissist maintains is consistently mirrored in everything they do. We all end up failing to meet their needs so we will be dismissed by this grand dictator. Remember the Narcissist’s self-absorbed perspective defines humanity as existing only to serve his/her immediate needs and OBEY – anything else is dissension and you will be punished and dismissed.

Again the Narcissist creates the grand illusion of a “special bond” or “love” for those whom he/she finds most useful at any given moment. This interprets as those who enhance his/her reputation, or help him/her procure a want or need, or offer him/her money, property, status, etc. For those unlucky individuals that the Narcissists fosters a relationship with it is really to isolate and target them for the time being to drain them of whatever it is that Narcissist is after, and they hoard over (isolate) the victim until they have gotten all they can get. Everyone else who sees through the Narcissist’s mask of insanity or exposes his/her lies becomes an “enemy” in the Narcissist’s eyes, and therefore a target of his/her hatred and will be devalued and destroyed!

Their life boils down to an accumulation of targets/victims, sexual partners, and whatever property gains they manage to extort. As many spouses know Narcissists will have children with them as well, and sometimes children to other spouses or partners. It is sort of like a collection of human beings for the Narcissist or better yet objects that have no emotional depth or the chance of a worthwhile life with this Narcissist as a real parent. Malignant Narcissist is so heartless and callous that they reject their own children once they devalue and discard the target/victim spouse. BUT they will portray themselves as the BETTER spouse that is a complete caregiver to these children, often taking credit for things the abused spouse has done in reality.

We must remember that at the core of the Narcissist psychopathy is a mindset governed by their grandiosity, lack of empathy for others, and a grand sense of entitlement and superiority that places them above laws and morality. The Narcissist grossly overestimates their abilities and accomplishments and underestimates the complete being or individuality of their target/victim. Simply put, the Narcissist should be able to do anything they wish, however harmful and destructive because the Narcissist is better than others. In the Narcissist’s mind, by making us a part of their wonderful life by mere association with them, he/she passes on to us this grandiosity as if they are royalty and that is our reward. It is ridiculous and repulsive that they can believe this nonsense and more akin to pompousness and arrogance. Any association with them is dangerous and traumatizing and we MUST understand this and never try to fix them, heal them, or try to get into their heads or ever return to Narcissist.

From the Book – From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist!

How to Be Emotionally Independent

Being emotionally independent and resilient is an integral part of being happy. When we depend on others for our sense of self, we never truly know who we are. Fortunately, by accepting ourselves, modifying our thinking, and taking active strides to be true to who we are and who we feel, we can find that inner sense of peace and independence we’ve been looking for. And it all starts with Step 1 below.

Step 1. Accepting Yourself

Reframe the past.

Let’s take parents: most of them aren’t that great. Are they not that great because they don’t love us or we don’t deserve affection? No. Though as children, that’s hard to see. They’re not that great because they have no idea what they’re doing – they’re trying, but they’re only human. Instead of blaming them (or an ex, for example) for your pain, reframe it. See that they don’t deserve anger, hate, or resentment. At worst they deserve pity; at best, compassion.
Whether you’re 7 or 70, you’ve probably had relationships that have left you a little worse for the wear. We, humans, have a tendency to take every failure/argument/disappointment/rejection personally and tally it up in our own mental notebooks, coming up with a number to equate to just how valuable we are. First things first, that’s gotta stop. The past is in the past and it’s going to stay there. It has little significance.

Forgive and forget.

This is an integral step in the accepting yourself and reframing the past idea. When you don’t hold grudges and stop taking things personally, you’re left with an organic, untainted version of you – an emotionally independent and resilient you. And you’ll be happier, too!
The next time you catch yourself being upset with someone, realize that it has nothing to do with you. It’s them making their own decisions, and you have no control over that, which is fine. This is one trivial moment in the scheme of your life that in short order will be completely forgotten about.
That being said, this doesn’t mean that some people should be let off the hook. Forgive them, forget the behavior, but modify your expectations. Was your friend an hour late to your lunch date? Noted. Next time (if there is a next time), you’ll know how to handle it.

Spend time with yourself.

When’s the last time you had some free time to kill and didn’t whip out your phone or otherwise distract yourself? In today’s day and age, we’re constantly bombarded with stimuli, which ultimately removes us from introspection and getting to know our own minds. Starting now, take 20 minutes or so a day for some “me-time.” Who’s better company than you, anyway?
In this time, watch your mind wander. Where does it go to? How does it think? Take note of just how fascinating this thing inside your head really is. What can you learn about yourself?

Know who you are.

Kind of like asking an ant to look in a mirror and say, “I’m an ant,” isn’t it? Well, in addition to the steps above and below, there are a few sticking points that apply to everyone:
  • You are just as worthy as everyone else you know. There are not “better” humans; we all have good and bad qualities.

  • You have talents and interests. What are they?

  • You have thoughts and opinions. You have things you like and dislike. What are those?

  • You have values. You have beliefs. What things/concepts/ideas do you hold as true?

Step 2. Changing Your Thinking

Test yourself.

There are a handful of ways one can be emotionally dependent. The most common way is in a romantic relationship. We learn to depend on our significant other for affection, sex, approval, you name it. When it doesn’t come, we feel we’ve done something wrong or we’re somehow less valuable. How are you emotionally dependent? Romantically? With friends? Coworkers or your boss? With every person you meet? Think about a few of the following things to pinpoint what areas you need to work on:

  • Do you get jealous easily? Do you compare yourself to others so much that it can ruin your day?

  • Do people often fail to meet your expectations? Who does this most often?

  • When you’re alone, do you seek out others just to feel okay? Does a void spring up when you’re not with others?

  • Does your partner or the idea of a partner mean happiness to you?

Take responsibility.

When we blame others, they’re at fault. Therefore, they become the only ones who can fix the problem. Terrible. In order to take control of your thinking and emotions, you’ve got to take responsibility.

This forces you to become reliant on yourself for a solution. Instead of wallowing in misery, you think about what options you have at your disposal to improve the situation. This gets rid of those negative emotions that well up, too, forcing you to be more logical and feel more in control.

The next time you get offended, stop.

Just for a moment. Why get all worked up? This is just a person who is passing judgment and criticism. It is not the end of the world, nor is it even particularly remarkable, likely. Everyone does it. Why give them the satisfaction of caring? It’s just not worth it.

Remind yourself that you don’t have to react the way you feel inclined to. It may seem as if the natural, human way to respond is by being upset, but that’s hardly your only option. You could be angry, you could be sad – or you could note it and move on. After all, there’s no benefit to being angry or sad, is there? What’ll it get you?

Realize that happiness is only inside you.

Quite literally. Serotonin and dopamine are what you really enjoy. If you wanted to condition yourself to feel ecstatic at the sight of brown carpet, you could. Brains are funny little creatures like that. In other words, you decide what makes you happy and it has nothing to do with the outside world. It comes from within – you can’t find it out there.

In case it wasn’t clear, this is very, very, very good news. You have control over all your feelings! You are at the whim of no one! Every emotion you want to feel, you can. Every emotion you don’t want to feel, you don’t have to. Happiness is just a decision away.

Do your best not to overcompensate.

There is a fine line between being emotionally independent, and well, a jerk. Some people get so caught up in “being true to them” that they step all over others in an effort to assert themselves. Keep in mind that this is not an excuse to be a bully and to always get your way. You can be kind and considerate while still being true to you.

Most people who stomp all over others are trying to thwart their inner feelings inadequacy or unimportance. They don’t feel of any value on the inside, so they force their “value” on others in an effort to convince themselves. This isn’t being emotionally independent – it’s straight up being rude.

Step 3. Living Independently

Decide for yourself.

The next time your friends are sitting around the table badmouthing the latest movie or complaining about pseudo-liberals or even gossiping about a friend, instead of letting them shape your opinions, decide for yourself. How do you feel? Why should their opinions have any weight on yours?

Try this in tiny ways, too. The next time you want to check out a cafe or a movie or a shop, etc., and you’ve heard pretty mediocre things, go anyway! Other people sometimes just don’t know what they’re talking about.

When you have decided for yourself, work up to speaking out about it. It’s possible other people feel similarly but are too shy to say anything! You may also bring up a good point that no one else considered.

Say “no.

The next time you have an opportunity to do something that you just don’t feel like doing, say no. Not only do you not want to partake in this activity, but it’s totally fine if you don’t live up to others’ expectations because it doesn’t bother you. Listen to your gut – it’s often right.

There’s a fine line here, however. Should you skip your best friend’s wedding because you don’t feel like it? Probably not. Should you avoid the mandatory work meeting because you’re feeling lazy? Nope. In other words, know how to pick your battles.

Learn to fix your own problems.

Nowadays, we live in cultures of millions. We have so many resources at our disposal that we don’t have to do a thing ourselves. We get our cars fixed, our plumbing fixed, our computers fixed, our health fixed – the list goes on and on. Unfortunately, that takes away from our resourcefulness and our sense of responsibility. In order to not depend on others, we’ve got to fix our own problems.

So the next time you’re feeling down in the dumps, take it on your own shoulders to do something about it. Spend the night doing something you really enjoy, treat yourself to retail therapy, or, heck, just relax. When you’re successful, this can show you that you have the power to make everything better, not other people.

Expect little from others.

There’s a line from a James Bond theme that says, “Arm yourself because no one else will save you.” It’s a little cynical, but the idea is true: we’re all humans and at the end of the day, we have to be selfish and put ourselves first to be happy. Everyone else does it, so you can, too – without feeling any guilt.

Keeping this in mind can help you from getting your hopes up and then being let down. When you have few expectations of people, it’s easier for others to meet them. And it’ll be easier to notice who still struggles meeting your lack of expectation and who consistently rises to the top.

Hang out with different groups of people.

When our entire lives revolve around a small group of people, it’s hard not to think that their opinions couldn’t move mountains. To widen your world and take the importance off their opinions, hang out with more people! Having a wide social network is good in fair and foul weather, too.

All humans have to attach themselves to things. It can stink because it means our emotions are at the whim of other people and other things. The key here is to not over-attach yourself. It’s a fine line that only you can find. The best way to do this is to spread yourself between different people and divvy up your time accordingly.

Do your own thing.

This is what it comes down to. You are your own person and therefore you’re going to do your own thing, whatever that means. When you find who you are and stick to it, no one can stop that inner sense of happiness that’ll prevail as a result.

People who genuinely stick to who they are are a rare breed. It shouldn’t cause judgment – it should inspire. People will see that you are your own fountain of happiness and wish they were the same! While some won’t be able to handle it, they’re not the ones you want to be around anyway!.

 

 

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Source: The above story is based on materials originally published on wikihow.com. The original article was written by several unspecified authors.
Note: Materials may be edited for content and length.

Why Forgiveness Is Great for Your Health

How learning to let go of resentment can reduce your risk.

It appears that there are more benefits to “letting it go” than you might realize.

All of us get hurt from time to time–but when we forgive, we often feel better about ourselves. As it turns out, recent scientific research indicates forgiveness improves our physical health as well.

In a new study in the Journal of Health Psychology, researchers analyzed the mental and physical health of 148 young adults. As one might expect, a correlation was found between high-stress levels and more health problems. But the study also indicated that in cases where people showed forgiveness–of both themselves and others–the connection between stress and mental illness practically disappeared.

Loren Toussaint, an associate professor of psychology at Luther College in Iowa, authored the study. Speaking about that connection of stress to mental illness, he had this to say about the research in a recent interview with TIME magazine:

“It’s almost entirely erased–it’s statistically zero. If you don’t have forgiving tendencies, you feel the raw effects of stress in an unmitigated way. You don’t have a buffer against that stress.
…Forgiveness takes that bad connection between stress and mental illness and makes it zero. I think most people want to feel good and it offers you the opportunity to do that.”

So why does the act of forgiveness have such a great impact? Scientists aren’t exactly sure, but it could have to do with the following:

“There is an enormous physical burden to being hurt and disappointed,” says Karen Swartz, M.D., director of the Mood Disorders Adult Consultation Clinic at The Johns Hopkins Hospital. It is believed that chronic anger puts an individual into a mode of “fight-or-flight”, resulting in numerous changes in heart rate, blood pressure, and the immune system.

Those changes, in turn, increase the risk for conditions like depression, heart disease, and diabetes. But it seems forgiveness can help to mitigate those stress levels.

What Forgiveness Is–and Isn’t

Forgiveness is more than lip service. “It is an active process in which you make a conscious decision to let go of negative feelings whether the person deserves it or not,” says Swartz.

“The act that hurt or offended you might always remain a part of your life, but forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other, more positive parts of your life,” according to the Mayo Clinic. But “forgiveness doesn’t mean that you deny the other person’s responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn’t minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act.”

When it comes to forgiving yourself, it’s important to remember that you mustn’t completely forget a mistake you’ve made, or refuse to learn from it. But you shouldn’t constantly relive that mistake, or insist on incessantly punishing yourself.

(It’s all about increasing your emotional intelligence, the subject of my upcoming book. If you’re interested in reading it, follow the launch by subscribing to my free monthly newsletter.)

How to Forgive

Of course, it can be hard to forgive–especially if we feel that another person has truly harmed us, maybe even intentionally.

The Mayo Clinic offers the following suggestions:

  • Consider the situation from the other person’s point of view.
  • Ask yourself why he or she would behave in such a way. Perhaps you would have reacted similarly if you faced the same situation.
  • Reflect on times you’ve hurt others and on those who’ve forgiven you.
  • Be aware that forgiveness is a process and even small hurts may need to be revisited and forgiven over and over again.

Putting It into Practice

Hanging on to resentment could be likened to leaving a knife in a wound–in doing so, we refuse to give ourselves the chance to heal. We end up hurting ourselves the most, while the offending party moves on with his or her life.

In contrast, exercising forgiveness gives us the chance to move on, too.

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Story Source: The above story is based on materials originally published on inc.com. The original article was written by Justin Bariso. Images credit Getty Images.
Note: Materials may be edited for content and length.

9 Signs You’re In A Relationship With A Con-Artist

I resolve to publish this short list as I found it on powerofpositivity.com because in my life experience I faced this situation. And I can say that the sooner you recognize that you are staying with a con artist the easier will be to come out. Consequences are often incredibly heavy. This happened to me since I had a trusted con-artist partner for a very long time. Thank heaven, this is gone now. Be careful and look at signals.

By the way, a con artist is a person who cheats or tricks others by persuading them to believe something that is not true to get benefits and personal advantages.

Manipulation is the name of the game when you’re in a relationship with a con-artist. A con-artist is what we now call someone who used to be called a confidence artist. Let’s look at 9 telling signs that you’re in a relationship with a con-artist.

1. YOU HAVE LOW SELF-ESTEEM

A con artist often looks for an easy target. Someone who already has low self-esteem is an easy mark for them. They will use your low self-esteem to their advantage by telling you that they would love you more if ___. Do yourself a favor and leave this person immediately. True love is not conditional.

2. YOUR ROMANCE SWEPT YOU OFF YOUR FEET AT FIRST

Because they needed your undying devotion to them in order to rip you off, your con artist was a great romancer at the beginning of your relationship. However, things have changed now and there has been very little romantic action lately.

3. YOUR GUT INSTINCT IS TRYING TO SEND YOU A SIGNAL

That ‘Hmm, that was weird’ gut feeling happens more often to you in your relationship with a con artist than it ever did otherwise. Pay attention to that feeling because it’s sending you a signal that something’s wrong.

4. THE CON-ARTIST KEEPS YOU FROM SEEING YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY

Someone rational who is removed form the relationship has the power to open your eyes to what is really happening with the con-artist’s behavior. As a result, the con-artist in your life will try to keep you from seeing these people who are a threat to their game. Do not let someone tell you who you can and cannot spend time with.

5. YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS ONE-SIDED

You are probably giving more to your partner than you are receiving. This can be in the form of love, emotional support, gifts, money, or time. If your partner does not reciprocate as often as you’d like them to, it could be a sign that you’re in a relationship with a con-artist.

6. YOU LACK CONTROL OVER YOUR LIFE

If your con-artist has done a good job, they will take power away from you. You do not control the money, vehicles or power in the relationship. If you have to ask permission to go anywhere or buy anything, it is a warning sign that you’re in a relationship with a con artist.

7. YOU ARE A GIVER BY NATURE

The types of victims that con-artists look for are those in healing, nurturing, and socially responsible people. You want to help your fellow man and your con-artist is going to claim to need your help. They have targeted you based on your generous personality.

8. CONFLICTING STORIES DON’T ADD UP

Catching a con-artist in a lie means that they have to create another lie to cover their tracks. A con-artist is basically a narcissist and a sociopath; they only care about themselves and they do not feel sorry for their actions that hurt someone else.
In fact, a good con-artist is so good at avoiding feelings of guilt that they will often blame the victim for making them act this way. Author Tamar Frankel who wrote The Ponzi Scheme Puzzle: A History and Analysis of Con Artists and Victims says of con-artists: ‘They have an ego that can’t afford to be repentant, so they blame others. They blame the government, they blame the law, and they blame the victims. They also justify what they do as a protective measure’if they don’t cheat others, others will cheat them first.’

9. YOU HAVE TROUBLE REMEMBERING THE LAST TIME YOU FELT AT PEACE

All of the drama created by living with a con artist can wreck havoc on your emotional state. You likely have been feeling feel fear, anger and sadness more often than you feel moments of joy. Your con artist likes keeping you in an unhappy emotional state because you can be more easily manipulated that way.
According to fraudaid.com, only about 7% of scam victims report the crime. If you believe that your con-artist has stolen from you, do not be afraid to contact police to report the crime. A police trail may be one of the only ways to prevent other people from falling victim to this person’s games.

Want to Be Happier? Ask Yourself This Question Every Morning

Albert Einstein called this “the most important decision” we make in our lives.

When you first wake up, what pops into your mind?

Do you start thinking about all the work you have to do? The emails you have to reply to, the pile of paperwork on your desk that has to be completed, or maybe it’s the housework that still needs to get done?

Or…

Do you think about the things that make you happy? The kiss your little boy or girl is going to give you before heading out to school, the hug your partner will greet you with when you come home, or the fact that, even though you may not have everything you want, you’re doing just fine?

Albert Einstein once said,

“The most important decision we make is whether we believe we live in a friendly or a hostile universe.”

Is the world you live in hostile or friendly? How do you look at it? It’s up to you to decide.

Every single day I make that decision.

I wake up and ask myself: “Do I live in a good world or a bad world?”

Whether you view your world as good or bad impacts your attitude as you go about your day. Remez Sasson puts it another way by saying that positive thinking “…brings brightness to the eyes, more energy, and happiness.”

It makes you more understanding when things happen that you didn’t necessarily expect.

Someone cuts you off in traffic? It’s okay. At least they didn’t hit you, causing you to be late for your appointment and forcing you to deal with your insurance company, starting the lengthy and often frustrating process of getting your vehicle repaired.

Tourist walking slowly in front of you on the streets of New York City? Have patience! Take in the sights and smells and enjoy your “extra” time. (I had to add this one to remind myself.)

By starting your day with a conscious decision that the world is good, you’re less likely to react in a negative way when things happen that you didn’t plan. You have a little more patience. A little more hope.

Good begets good.

Plus, how you view your day right at its onset also affects how many good things will happen to you as the day progresses.

Susan Reynolds, co-author of Train Your Brain to Get Happy, says that “feeling pleasure can be so stimulating for your brain that it is primed to respond to pleasure in a way that reinforces that pleasure.”

In other words, the more good you search out in this world, the more good you’ll receive in return.

When you wake up and choose (consciously or unconsciously) to live in a “bad” world, you go through your day much differently. You feel frustrated when you wind up behind somebody who’s walking super slowly or if you get stuck in traffic. Standing in line at the store feels like an eternity and everything you do seems ten times harder.

Nothing works out like it should and you’re constantly waiting for things to go wrong (which they usually will) — things that “prove” that the world is a hostile place.

It’s good for you physically, too.

Choosing to think positively provides a lot of great health benefits as well.

It reduces your risk of depression, decreases your anxiety, and even makes you more resilient against whatever bug is going around. People who look at the bright side of life tend to live longer, and they have an easier time coping with the stressors that ordinary life has to offer.

Look, I know it’s really easy to get stuck and stay stuck in negativity, especially with everything going on in the world. You can’t go through your social media feeds without seeing quite a few posts of all of the things that are “wrong.”

But feeling that way keeps you from being happy. It keeps you from reaching higher levels of success because negative thinking has been linked with a reduced ability to think, be creative, and even respond to life in an emotionally healthy way.

If you want to be your own personal best, thinking positive first thing in the morning is the way to get there.

How to start your day more positively.

If you’re new to this whole “positivity” thing, here are some tips to help you focus more on the good than the bad:

Choose words and statements that reflect a positive attitude: “I will have a good day” or “I’m excited about what lies ahead today.”
Focus on things that make you happy:”I look forward to seeing my kid’s school play tonight” or “I can’t wait to see where this project at work takes me!”
Appreciate the good things in your world: “I’m thankful for my health, the fact that I can pay the bills, and that I have such a wonderful family!”
Spend more time with positive people, making it easier to be positive yourself!
It’s never going to be 100 percent, but if you focus on the good just a bit more than the bad, you’re making progress. It’s all about baby steps.

So when you wake up tomorrow, ask yourself this question:

“Do I live in a good world or a bad world?”

And I want you to remember that you have a choice. Do yourself a favor and choose the good. It will make you happier and healthier.

“When you wake up every day, you have two choices. You can either be positive or negative; an optimist or a pessimist. I choose to be an optimist. It’s all a matter of perspective.”
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Story Source: The above story is based on materials originally published on inc.com. The original article was written by Chris Winfield. This story was originally published online on 20 April 2016. Image credit Getty Images. Note: Materials may be edited for content and length.

Mastering the Art of Getting What You Want

13 Powerful Habits for Creating a Life You Love

manifesting_pinDr. Wayne Dyer wrote extensively on the art of manifesting, exclusively dedicating several of his books to the power of intention and learning how to manifest the life of your dreams. Manifest Your Destiny and Wishes Fulfilled were just two of his most well-known titles on the subject of co-creating.

There is a level of awareness available to you that you are probably unfamiliar with. It extends upwards and transcends the ordinary level of consciousness that you’re most accustomed to.

At this higher plane of existence, which you can access at will, the fulfillment of wishes is not only probable — it’s guaranteed.

At this level, your wishes — all of them — can indeed be fulfilled. By using your imagination and practicing the art of assuming the feeling of your wishes being fulfilled, and steadfastly refusing to allow any evidence of the outer world to distract you from your intentions, you will discover that you, by virtue of your spiritual awareness, possess the ability to become the person you were destined to be.

What follows is simply a preparation for entering into that realm wherein you have much more say over what comes into your life than you might have envisioned. Read and apply these 13 habits into your own life, and you will soon be well on your way to creating your own destiny.

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Habit 1: Believe You Are an Infinite Spiritual Being Having a Temporary Human Experience

The first step to learning to manifest your reality is you must create a new concept of yourself: as an infinite spiritual being having a temporary human experience.

The I that I use to describe myself is not so obsessed that he insists in staying in one body. In fact, that I that is me finally recognizes that ancient spiritual truth spoken by Divine masters since antiquity: None of us are really doing anything, rather we (our bodies) are merely being done.*

This I that you use to describe yourself isn’t the physical form that you occupy and take with you everywhere. The I is your higher self, changeless and real.

Habit 2: Become the Observer of Your Thoughts

You become what you think about. If you think about giving, as God does, the Universe will provide. If you think about things being taken away, then that’s what you’ll attract.

If you want to manifest your dreams, you must become a master at monitoring the thoughts and feelings you are aligning yourself with. Your thoughts and feelings become your reality, so become adept at observing the thoughts and feelings you are creating for yourself.

Habit 3: Release Your Imagination from Current Limiting Circumstances

Do not let your imagination be restricted to the current conditions of your life, or what I call “being obsessed with what is.” Keep reminding yourself that everything that you’ve believed has gotten you to precisely the point where you are now.

This is a rather persistent theme in my work, so it bears repeating here: if you want to elevate your life and become a manifester, then you have to change what you’ve believed to be true about yourself that has landed you where you are. The sentiments of This is reality, This is just the way things are, There is nothing that I can do to change what is, and the like are pernicious thoughts that will taint and defile your great gift of I am that I am, which is your Divine inheritance from your creator.

Habit 4: See Your Wish as Already Accomplished

In my mind I see my wishes as already having been accomplished. I experience what that feels like, savoring the feeling in my body. I stay in a profound state of gratitude for my wish having been already realized — as if it already were brought into being. My prayer is without effort; rather, it is felt as an already accomplished fact.

Habit 5: Believe in Your Own Divine Power

The words of all the great spiritual teachers encourage us to see ourselves as unlimited and to know that even the least among us has the divine power of God available at every moment of our lives.

I know that you, if you practice studiously, can begin to manifest for yourself virtually anything that you are capable of conceiving in your mind. You must unplug from your conditioning and know in that private space behind your eyes that you can and will take on the challenge of manifesting your destiny.

It is my belief that you are never given the power to dream without the equivalent power to manifest that dream and make it your physical reality.

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Habit 6: Remain Independent of the Good Opinion of Other People

Remain independent of the good opinion of others and keep yourself fixed on your ability to attract whatever it is that you previously thought was missing in your life. When you trust yourself to decide what is to be your destiny, you don’t allow externals to discourage or influence you.

What you place your attention on is your burning desire and intense yearning combined with an intention to make that your reality. You never allow outside circumstances to deflect you from your desires. This inner picture in your imagination is undisturbed by opinions or provocations that originate outside of yourself.

Habit 7: Reconstruct Your I Ams

The thoughts that you dwell on determine what you will possess or not possess. What you think about is what you will become. Examine all the supposed lacks and scarcities in your life. Then say to yourself, “I created all of this with my thoughts, conditioning, beliefs and actions.”

Run through as large an inventory as you can of the things that you would like to define your life. Than make the shift in your imagination from I am not or I am hoping to become to I am.

In the book of Joel, the Lord’s advice is in harmony with this practice: “Let the weak say, ‘I am strong.’” (Joel 3:10). It is truly as simple as these seven words form the Bible advise. You want what follows I am to be congruent with your highest self, which is God. Beginning with your inner dialogue, simply change the words that define your concept of yourself.

Habit 8: Be Patient & Banish Doubt

If exercising your imagination feels difficult to do, perhaps due to a life where the imagination has played servant to your logical faculties, be infinitely patient with your attempts at imagining your wish fulfilled. Cultivate infinite patience with yourself, never being dissatisfied with the speed or the manner in which your intentions are manifesting.

When you banish all doubt in favor of faith, there’s nothing more powerful on this planet. If you truly understand the ability to manifest, you realize you can control the speed at which change occurs in your life.

Henry David Thoreau said: “[You] will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.” Thoreau suggests that the universe will begin to conspire with you to fulfill your wishes. This is the law of co-creation.

When you trust in yourself, you are not looking for solutions to your life problems in someone or something outside yourself. Instead, you remain in a state of trusting. Then, in a trustworthy manner, you can proceed to attract the energy to you that provides the solution.

Habit 9: Align Yourself with the Feeling of the Wish Fulfilled

When you put aside your doubts, you can begin to imagine in both mind and body what it will feel like to have your Wishes Fulfilled. Think about what you plan to manifest — then use your imagination to feel what that feels like in your body. Does it feel natural to you? Does it really feel like this is the “you” that you are deciding to be? By staying only with what your senses tell you is your reality, you place a barrier to letting your imagination create all that you wish for. Your imagination is unlimited.

Albert Einstein made this astute observation: “Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere.” Your logic — that is, the facts that you’ve accepted as true — have gotten you to point B. Now you’re going to reprogram your imagination to take you everywhere — everywhere that you are brave enough to envision for yourself.

Habit 10: Take Stock of How Natural Your Dream Feels to You

The time it takes your desire to become reality is directly proportional to the naturalness of being it. The more natural an experience your wish feels for you, the faster you will create it in your life. Conversely, the more unnatural a state of being feels to you, the longer it will take to achieve.

The key word to contemplate is “feels.” If being healthy, prosperous, happy, successful, strong, intelligent, and so on, currently feel unnatural to you, naturalness may yet be achieved by persistently using your imagination and your subjective attention to make this feeling stick.

If it is your burning desire to become a professional basketball player, ask yourself how natural it feels to you to be on the court, competing at the professional level. If this feels unnatural to you, you may eventually, with persistence, achieve this wish fulfilled, but only until you have become so aligned with that experience that it feels completely natural to dunk a basketball and sink a free-throw.

Habit 11: Phrase Your Intentions as Given Statements

When you place an intention in your imagination, do not allow a question mark at the end of your pronouncement. See your statement ending in a grammatical exclamation point. “I bring this into my reality!” is easy to say if you’re already living from that declaration in your imagination and have assumed the feeling in your body of that wish being fulfilled.

Remain confident that through continued reliance on your imagination, your assumptions are materializing into reality.

Habit 12: Choose Your Reality with Love

When you attempt to manifest from a place of selfishness or potential harm to anyone else, you invoke the ego. The ego is always about winning, overpowering, being better than others, accumulating for the sake of feeling superior, achieving adulation or recognition, improving your status, and so on. So the secret is to feel yourself as already being and having what your desire, and to keep the entirety of it all wrapped up in a spirit of love. Always weigh your choices on the scales of love.

Habit 13: Know that What You Already Have is Enough

When you stop needing more of everything, more of what you desire seems to arrive in your life. Try this now: feel gratitude for everything you have in this moment. Know that this is enough.

Becoming More of Who You Are

Our creative power is the ability to convert the energy of our thoughts into a newly materialized form. Manifestation is the result. Beginning with one intention at a time, you can learn how to manifest anything in your life.

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Think of yourself as a consciousness being played out by God just as a wave is part of the ocean that is being played out by the ocean. This theory of nature will promote the kind of trust that you need to attract to yourself all that belongs to you in the universe. You cannot receive it or even come close to manifesting it if you have an absence of trust in yourself as an extension of God.

Manifesting then becomes the business of doing nothing more than bringing into form a new aspect of yourself. You are not creating something from nothing. You are learning to align yourself with an aspect of your being that your senses have not known they could activate.

When you know your highest self, you are on your way to becoming a co-creator of your entire world, learning to manage the circumstances of your life and participating with assurance in the act of creation. You literally become a manifester.

This may appear to contradict the “Ask and you shall receive” version of prayer that you were likely exposed to. It may feel new, but it is so important that you acknowledge your own Divine role in the fulfillment of your spirituality aligned desires for yourself and others.

I send you the green light.

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Story Source: The above story is based on materials originally published on drwaynedyer.com. The original content was written by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer. Images credit drwaynedyer.com. Note: Materials may be edited for content and length.

Don’t believe everything you hear about the saddest day of the year

Blue Monday is a hoax.

Once we get through Christmas and New Year, it’s time for Blue Monday – traditionally the third Monday in January, when a combination of weather, debt problems, low motivation, a return to work, and abandoned New Year resolutions create a perfect storm of depression that hangs over the population. It sounds like a plausible enough theory, but don’t fall for it: Blue Monday is actually a hoax.

Or to put it more accurately, it’s a promotional idea dreamt up by a travel company back in 2005, as Atlas Obscura reports, when 24 January was declared the first Blue Monday. That company was Sky Travel, which enlisted the help of psychologist Cliff Arnall (then of Cardiff University) to add some credence to the idea and throw in a pseudo-scientific equation or two.

Designed by ad agency Porter Novelli, the idea was to get potential customers thinking about summer holidays to help beat the Blue Monday misery – perhaps a few weeks in the sun could help keep depression at bay? But despite it being a completely fictional nadir, Blue Monday still gets plenty of media coverage every January, so make sure you don’t get caught up in the negative hype.

As The Guardian’s Dean Burnett points out, depression doesn’t follow a schedule, let alone one set by a marketing firm. Sky Travel has since gone out of business, so any boost in ticket sales it may have received by convincing us we were all at a low ebb obviously wasn’t enough.

We do know that Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is very much a real condition, as the changing seasons and shrinking number of daylight hours cause chemical changes in the brain. However, there’s no such evidence that this sadness reaches its peak on Blue Monday, even if there are another 11 months to go until Christmas.

As Atlas Obscura points out, the term originally referred to the tradition of lining the church altar with blue cloth on the Monday before Lent. It’s also been associated with excessive drinking and subsequent hangovers in work, and is of course also the name of one of New Order’s biggest hits (though the 1983 single was about relationship problems rather than Seasonal Affective Disorder).

“True clinical depression (as opposed to a post-Christmas slump) is a far more complex condition that is affected by many factors, chronic and temporary, internal and external,” writes Burnett for The Guardian. “What is extremely unlikely (i.e. impossible) is that there is a reliable set of external factors that cause depression in an entire population at the same time every year.”

Even Cliff Arnall has tried to distance himself from his previous claims since 2005, but that hasn’t stopped him identifying the supposed happiest day of the year as well.

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Story Source: The above story is based on materials originally published on sciencealert.com. The original article was written by David Nield. This story was originally published online on 7 Jan. 2016. Images credit  YuryZap/Shutterstock.com. Note: Materials may be edited for content and length.

15 Signs You’re With A Good Man

James+Michael+Sama+7th+Annual+Shorty+Awards+oLUxoU9NxtJlThe author of this short article is James Michael Sama, who is an award winning Boston based blogger on the topics of dating and relationships, having amassed over 30 million readers in just a year and a half. He writes and speaks on the topics of chivalry, romance, and happiness throughout the country and has been featured repeatedly in news segments, talk shows, and mainstream radio.
James’ mission is to bring dignity back to dating and relationships by reinstilling these values that are sorely lacking in modern times. James is also currently working on his first book.

Here is Mr. Sama’s article.

When it comes to dating and relationships, I often find myself wondering how certain people end up with others. Wondering why they don’t walk away if they don’t get what they deserve and hoping that they truly appreciate their teammate if they are getting what they deserve.

I think a big part of the problem blurring this line is that many people aren’t even quite sure what a healthy relationship looks like these days or how a “good man” (or woman) should act towards their partner. To help clarify, I have put together this list of how a good man should act while in a relationship.

1. A good man never lets you forget how much he loves you.

I cannot tell you how many conversations I have had with people who tell me that there is no affection in their relationship. The man in their life does not make them feel loved, wanted or appreciated. This is a profoundly important piece of the puzzle — a good man will always remind you how much you mean to him.

If someone truly loves you, you will know it and feel it. If they don’t, you’ll be wondering all the time if they do.

2. A good man always supports you.

Regardless of whether you want to go back to school after 20 years to get your Master’s degree, start a singing career or stay at home to raise a family, a good man will always support you and what you want out of your life. He will never discourage you or make you feel as though you can’t do what you set out to do. He will be beside you every step of the way, cheering on your victories and comforting you during your defeats.

3. A good man will inspire you.

This goes one step beyond supporting you, which can be more passive. To inspire someone takes effort both in how one lives their own life and how they encourage others to live theirs. A good man’s drive and ambition will rub off on you as he pursues his own passions.

4. A good man will work to gain your trust.

A good man will want you to be comfortable and confident in your relationship. The very cornerstone of this is being able to trust someone, and he will realize that. Without trust, there is no foundation for love or respect.

He will understand that trust is not just handed over to someone — it has to be earned, and then it has to be kept.

5. A good man will always make you feel beautiful.

He will understand that making you feel beautiful does not just mean saying the words to you. It will mean truly making you feel beautiful. In the way he looks at you, touches you and treats you. He will notice details when you put effort into your appearance and remind you how attractive he still finds you, even when you don’t.

A good man will understand that whether you are in your sweatpants on the couch or in your evening gown heading to a gala, when you love someone for who they truly are, everything about them becomes beautiful.

6. A good man will make you feel safe.

I have always said that I believe one of the best compliments a woman can give her partner is telling him that she feels safe around him. Regardless of how attracted she is to you or how funny she thinks you are or how much money you have, if a woman cannot sleep soundly by your side at night, none of it matters.

7. A good man does the little things.

Do you need a prescription filled, but have to stay late at work? Did you mention an art exhibit coming to town and he made plans to take you to see it? Regardless of how small certain things seem, he will understand they are really the big things that matter most.

8. A good man never crosses the line.

It is natural to have disagreements and even arguments in a relationship, but there is no reason to make things personal, become insulting and never, ever to become abusive. A good man will remain calm and focus on the topic at hand.

9. A good man is always trying to improve himself.

Whether it be learning new things, developing a new skill set, reading a new book or watching a documentary, a good man who prides himself on continuous self improvement will always be intellectually challenging you and keeping your attention. He will be doing these things for himself, but the added benefit will be the positive impact it has on your relationship.

10. A good man understands actions speak louder than words.

Having the right man in your life will make you understand that people who make empty promises do not deserve your respect. People who keep promises deserve your respect, and he will be one of them.

11. A good man will open up to you.

It can be difficult for some people to express their emotions, fears and even inner-most desires, but having the right person in our lives often helps to open those doors. A good man, while understanding of course that some things are to be kept private, will not hide things from you or bottle up his feelings, knowing that doing so will cause tension and frustration.

12. A good man will always be honest with you.

When building a foundation for a happy, healthy relationship, a good man will understand that honesty is always the best policy.

13. A good man will make you feel comfortable being honest.

Comfort in a relationship (the good kind, not the kind that makes you stop trying) comes from the ability to be open and honest with your partner — and the ability to do this comes from knowing you will never be judged. A good man will encourage you to open up and share your feelings with him. There should never be any fear of him flying off the handle or overreacting if you share something with him.

This means being able to be the most genuine, uncensored version of yourself around him.

14. A good man will never be abusive.

Perhaps the most important point of all. Whether it be mentally, emotionally or physically, a good man will never even think about being abusive towards you or harmful in any way. If this happens to you, please have the courage and respect for yourself in order to talk to someone or walk away immediately. No good person would ever act like this, and it will not get better on its own.

15. A good man will stand by you.

When a man commits his love and his time to someone, there are no stipulations or circumstances required. There will be good times and there will be not-so-good times. There will be challenges and unexpected situations that arise. But he will stay by your side and be your teammate through it all.

Of course, there is an asterisk to this. This does not mean you can disrespect your partner, lie or cheat. It does not mean you can betray his trust and expect him to stick around because he promised to commit to you. This point is about things the two of you go through together and him having the integrity to not walk away when times get hard.

Any man can be by your side on the sunny days. The real test of character is whether or not he will hold the umbrella over you during the stormy days.

Remember, if the person you are with puts in the effort to be this person for you, please let him know how much you appreciate him. No matter how kind someone is, there is no emptier feeling than giving your heart to someone who you feel takes it for granted.
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Story Source: The above story is based on materials originally published on JamesMSama.com and found on huffingtonpost.com. The original article was written by James Michael Sama. Images credit Tetra Images Yuri Arcurs via Getty Images. Note: Materials may be edited for content and length.

The moment you change the way you look at things, the things you are looking at change. Explore the infinite possibilities of changing things with your host Raffaella Grassi.